This news post brought to you by Subway.(R)
In an unexpected move today former Mexican freedom fighter Dosu defected over to the states. He has been transferred to the legendary powerhouse group UD for training.
At midnight a figure was seen at the US border. The rain coming down had him completely soaked to the bone. His clothes were ripped and tattered. his shoes were made out of plastic bags he found on the side of a freeway. Exhausted, he collapsed in front of the US border guards. He had tears in his eyes. The rain hid it well, but the guard could still tell. The guard listened to his story apathetically. This wasn't the first time a beggar had come to plead his case.
"Please sir," the man began in his broken english. "My kids are starving, and my wife left me for my brother. I'm willing to do anything for food, sir." The guard cracked a sly smile. "How far exactly are you willing to go?" Dosu didn't miss a beat. "How about we go behind that guard booth for about an hour, I'll show you just how much fun I can be."
5 Minutes later, it was all over. "I'm sorry sir, I swear that's never happened before. I don't know what happened." The guard was livid. "What the fuck do you think this is? I've had enough of you, I'm sending you to jail."
A long 6 months passed. Dosu thought he would go insane in this hovel. His chamber pot was filled to the brim. He slowly began fashioning a noose made of bedsheets and broken promises. "This time," he thought, "they won't get the better of me." There he was, standing naked on a small stool, the noose firmly around his neck. Dosu took a deep breath. He was about to kick the stool over when the door to the guard's cabin flew open.
In strode a shining beacon of hope. He moved with incredible confidence, you could tell he was a man amongst men. He stopped in front of Dosu's cell. "That's him," he said with a dismissive wave, "that's the one I want." The guards brought Dosu to the stranger. "Son, how would you like a job?" The stranger asked. "Keep in mind you don't have a choice in the matter." Dosu was shaken. It was obvious this man has had over a thousand girlfriends. "Y....y...yes sir," he stammered. "I would like that sir."
The rest is history.
